To The Death
by FallingforWerewolves
Summary: "Well, mein kleiner bruder, let me tell you the awesome story about a food fight." "Uh..." "To the death!" A story in which Prussia explains to his brother why he's covered in food. And why poor Bulgaria might go insane soon. Rated T for swearing. Even though it's pretty much only in other languages, it's still there.


**A/N: So this is my first Hetalia fic and my first dialogue only fic. Killing two birds with one stone. I got this idea from this picture: /1222771#full Hopefully that works.**

**Anyway, as I mentioned this is my first Hetalia fanfiction so I'm just starting to get used to writing the characters. Plus I've never done a dialogue only story before so that's new to me as well. Anyway, I don't have a beta reader so if the grammar or spelling is off (especially for the little bits of German, Hungarian and Romanian) please let me know!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.**

* * *

"West! The awesome me is home!"

"..."

"Uh, West?"

"Bruder, why are you covered in food?"

"I told you before I left."

"Nein, you did not."

"I said that I was going to dinner with Hungary, Bulgaria and Romania."

"That still doesn't explain why you're covered in food."

"Well then, mein kleiner bruder, let me tell you the awesome story of a food fight."

"Uh..."

"To the death!"

* * *

"So, Hungary and Romania's bosses have been trying to get along better lately so those two have had to spend more time with each other. I know, most unawesome idea ever. Speaking of unawesome, Hungary blackmailed me into going with her. Don't ask with what because you do not want to know. Let's just say it involved me, Francis, Antonio and being drunk. Oh, and Romano was in there somewhere.

"Anyway, apparently Hungary wanted someone to go with her so she wouldn't be tempted to wring "the little bastard's neck". She knew Roddy wouldn't agree to it, so she came to the awesome me instead."

"Don't you mean blackmailed you instead?"

"Don't interrupt my awesome story, West. Now, where were we? Oh yeah! So when we got there it turned out that Romania had brought Bulgaria with him, somehow. His excuse was that he didn't want to be tempted to bash "the frying bitch's head in". For a minute there, I thought Liz would go all... what's the term America uses? BAMF? I thought she'd go all awesome BAMF and beat Romania into the ground, but she didn't. Romania was surprised by that too; even asked if she was too much of a girl to fight him – and you know how she is with people calling her a girl – but she didn't attack him. Physically anyway. She did call him a fanged barbarian though.

"Anyway, just when I thought I was about to witness an awesome fight, Bulgaria decided to get the waitresses attention. By the way, we were at this really fancy restaurant. Remember that for later, West. Moving on! So after we get a bunch of food, Bulgaria tried to keep a civil, and rather unawesome, conversation going. I don't remember what it was about for two reasons. The conversation wasn't awesome enough and I was trying to figure out how to eat soup without a spoon. Apparently before Hungary and I even got there Bulgaria got rid of all of the cutlery at our table, which was a fairly awesome idea. Only fairly because while we didn't want Hungary and Romania killing a bunch of innocent people in the process of killing each other, I kind of wanted to see how much damage they could do with spoons."

"But why are you covered in food?"

"Mein Gott, West! Be patient! The awesome me is getting there. Somehow we eventually got on to the topic of Dracula. And then Transylvania. And it all went downhill from there. Gott, I'd almost forgotten how loud they are when they yell at each other. How has Bulgaria not gone insane and duct taped their mouths shut already? Anyway, Hungary and Romania yelled at each other for a while, using some pretty awesome insults, if I do say so myself. But get this: after Romania insulted her love of – what did Japan call it? Yaoi? – whatever it is she's obsessed with, she threw the rest of her soup in his face.

"By this point the whole restaurant was dead silent. And Romania's face – oh Gott, West, you should've seen his face – was priceless! Then he dumped the rest of his soup over her head! After that it was all out war! Food and drinks flying everywhere; people ducking under their tables for cover or just running out of the restaurant; the staff were trying to get Hungary and Romania to stop, but once they start it's hard to stop them. Unless you're as awesome as me, which no one is. So after I got bored with watching them try to murder each other with food, and Bulgaria looked like he was about to faint, I, being awesome, jumped in and tried to tear the two apart.

"After getting pretty much covered in the food too, I separated them. Bulgaria, after apologizing more than I've seen Japan do to the staff, dragged Romania off in one direction and I took Hungary away in the other. Of course, they were still yelling insults at each other; Hungary saying "Te abortuszmaradék" and "Rosseb egye meg" while Romania responded with "sa-mi sugi pula" and "da-te-n pula mea". And those aren't even the awesome ones they were spewing earlier!

"And that, bruder, is why the awesomeness that is Prussia is covered in food."

"Well, that was a better reason than last time."

"Whatever, West."

"..."

"What?"

"Are you going to clean yourself anytime soon?"

"Why would I do that? These stains are marks of survival West! This mess is proof that I was awesome enough to live through a food fight between Hungary and Romania. To the death!"

* * *

**Translations:**

**German**

**Bruder - Brother**

**Nein - No**

**Mein kleiner bruder - My little brother**

**Mein Gott - My God**

**Hungarian**

**Te abortuszmaradék - You failed abortion**

**Rosseb egye meg - May you be eaten alive by a festering wound**

**Romanian**

**sa-mi sugi pula - Suck my dick**

**da-te-n pula mea - Go fuck yourself**

**If you're wondering why those insults, I just looked up Hungarian and Romanian insults and picked two at random for each of them. And I gotta say, Hungarian insults are _really_ creative. And I know, lame ending is lame.**

**Thanks for reading! **


End file.
